GREMLINS (1984)

Gremlins is the perfect Christmas Horror Movie, because it doesn't try too hard to be a Christmas Horror Movie. Santa Claus isn't the psycho, there are no killer snowmen. No - Christmas is just the time of the year in which the sheer bloody HORROR of Gremlins happens to take place.

Does anyone in this day and age need a review of Gremlins? If they do, then to be quite frank they're not the type of person I want reading this blog. So rather than write a review I've done a Top 5. Top 5's are more fun than reviews. Less thinking involved, so expect more from me in the future.

TOP 5 THINGS ABOUT GREMLINS

1. GIZMO - Nasty gremlins against a cute little furry thing? 9 times out of 10 I'd surely be on the gremlins side. Except Gizmo turns out to be more than a two dimensional cute character. He's a stand up guy. He's got attitude. He can handle himself despite being drop dead cute. A bit like a furry Robert Downey Jnr...

2. DICK MILLER - Dick Miller makes any film okay.

3. PHOEBE CATES - From personal experience, there are 2 types of women in the world - there are those who laugh in your face and walk off when you ask them out, and there are the ones who say "I'm really sorry, Igloo Keeper but I'm doing something else that night. And every other night." Phoebe is one of the latter. In fact, she'd probably even give me a sympathetic kiss on the cheek. Before she left me forever.

4. THE STAIR-LIFT SCENE - In all honesty this should be number 1 but I'm a bit too embarassed about how hilarious I still find it, God I'm not 14 years old anymore. When my son is old enough to watch this with me I'm going to try an tut disapprovingly all the way through.



5. KATE'S SANTA STORY - Every Comedy Horror needs a hint of genuine darkness. And here it is; "The worst thing that ever happened to me was on Christmas. Oh, God. It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 9 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for Dad to come home from work. A couple hours went by. Dad wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a search. Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or sleep. Everything was falling apart. It was snowing outside. The house was freezing, so I went to try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell. The firemen came and broke through the chimney top. And me and Mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird. And instead they pulled out my father. He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit. He'd been climbing down the chimney... his arms loaded with presents. He was gonna surprise us. He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly. And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus."

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Here's a mad Polish poster to enjoy: