A clear day! A chance to venture out and take stock of my new surroundings. And so I travel due north until - ye gods! A sign of life! Another igloo!But why this sense of creeping dread? I soon discover why. Upon further inspection it becomes clear. It's MY igloo! Igloo of the Uncanny! I could have sworn I travelled due north. I must have become disoriented. That must be the answer. It MUST be! Tomorrow if the weather permits, I shall try once again. But until then, another message on the TV to decipher...
Dammit, I had a whole lot of lame puns lined up for this one, but I loved it so much I've decided to spare you. Teeth has a ridiculous premise, of course. But the story is told with such skill we believe it without difficulty. And that, in a nutshell, is the essence of any good Horror story.
Carrie is probably the closest reference point to Teeth If I'm being lazy (and I am). Carrie, with a heavy dose of Cronenbergian body mutation. Mix together with a touch of Braindead style comedy and there you have it - a fine addition to last year's sparse Horror pickings. Deeply funny, and with a wonderful central performance by Jess Wiexler.
Ok, so I've agreed not to laugh at Teeth. So let's laugh at these responses to a request on IMDB for alternate taglines to the movie. Be warned - this is juvenile humour of the worst kind.
Needless to say, if you're easily offended, these may offend you.
And I guess they contain spoilers.
Here goes then. I'm building these up too much, I just know I am:
1. The box that takes cocks. Forever! 2. Eat Pussy! Or I'll eat you! 3. You thought she was on her period and then she realised... it was your blood! 4. This box chomps back! 5. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the vagina!
The best thing about the last one was that it sparked a debate about whether you're legally allowed to use the word vagina on a tagline. Marvellous stuff. IMDB is one of my guilty pleasures but a word of warning - use it sparingly!