Chopping Mall (1986)

I was going to start by comparing Chopping Mall favourably to Robocop and Terminator, but my conscience won’t allow it. You know that Chopping Mall isn’t very good. And I know you know Chopping Mall isn’t very good. So let’s quit the bullshit (or B.S if you’re easily offended) and tell it like it is.

The good bits? Well, the robots are beautifully designed. They’ve got personality, honest! And an apparently keen sense of irony – why else would they say “Have a nice day” after blowing someone’s head off? These robots are good looking rascals, damn them.



And there’s some nice ‘Corman-esque’ humour running through the film. What exactly is ‘Corman-esque’ humour? Well, it’s quite hard for me to explain. It’s like, the kind of humour that is found in Roger Corman films. You’ll find it in this marvellous line half-way through Chopping Mall, “I'm just not used to be chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots.” And therein lies the plot…

Some kids have an after hours party in the mall furniture store. The new-fangled robot security guards go a bit haywire after an electrical storm and well, they become a bit over-zealous.

The kids get some guns from the mall gun store and try and defend themselves. Badly. Whenever you see them firing their guns they appear to be either shooting the ground 2 feet in front of them or into the ceiling... then lots of running around ensues. At one stage I swear I saw the backgroung scenery repeating itself, just like the chase scenes in Scooby Doo.

It ends with a big satisfying explosion. But who will survive and what will become of them? That, my friend,would be telling... {laughs manically} {starts coughing}. Sorry.